Tuesday, August 24, 2010

it's complicated

That does not apply to my relationship status.
I am single, simple as that.

By that, I am referring to my current mood.

I shall be happy.

My exam result has just released.
I did not pass in flying colors, but at the very least, they are running, or walking, if you want to put it that way.
I made it through to CLP anyway.

I shall be happy.

I was once happy.
I have never put any expectation over my result.
All I ask of is just to get a key to CLP - and now I've got it.

Everything has gone so well, until that image flash my mind.

My dad.

Being the eldest among the siblings,
he is putting high expectation over me,
that I shall be good, as I am always the role model for the younger ones.
I got rather decent result last year, which leads him to expect of the same from me this year.

I texted him to result, and 'second lower is a sure thing for you lah...' is what he has replied in text.
'anyway, you still deserve a congratulations.' he added.

Later, my dad called me.
I could sense disappointment in his voice.
I could hear myself convincing him this is not that important, as long as I get a decent result for the Certificate of Legal Practice.
It is not that important, as long as I make competent presentation in an interview.

Well, he responded by saying that his not-so-excellent result is anything but something to assist him to have his current achievement.
Yes I have to agree.
He made an attempt to comfort both of us.

Dad, you phailed lah.

You added something about the master degree in law.
Yea, with my result, I can't get a key to that door.
I could do MBA though, I told my dad.
Erm... I hope.

My eyes welled up as soon as I ended the call.
I could then feel the warmth of tears on my cheeks.
It should not be that fashion.
I shall be smiling.

I have disappointed my dad.
I am sorry.

Now I'm thinking, I have been a good nerdie girl for 3 years,
am I doing it for myself or my dad?
Come to think of it,
my dad was the one who chosen this path for me.
I was aimless afterall.
While people ask me, why law?
I would say, I have nothing better to do, and my dad wishes that I could be a lawyer.
That's the truth.

Still, I am happy for myself.
I gave in my best.

CLP, here I come.
At least I'm still on the right path.

p/s: my dad is the best man in the world,
don't you ever think low of him.
He just expected highly of me, and I did not meet his expectation.
That's all.

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