It is wonderful to have a guy to do something for you

A handsome one, to be precise.

Cooking a dish, washing your car, (insert whatever stuff you guys have done for your girls and those you girls have had the guys done for you)
(no. I do not treat my guy a slave)

In my case, it would be making a drink.

Yes, sad to say, he's paid to do so.

Seriously, despite he was in that boring collared Starbuck uniform and that ugly apron,
with a pair of not so glamour khakis,
(I didn't note what shoes he was wearing because he was behind the counter)
he is still more attractive than 47 out of 50 the candidates of the Cleo Most Eligible Bachelors.

Girls out there, check out someone tagged 'James' at the Times Square branch.
Wakaka.

(speaking of guys, my debtor told me that he would be coming over to KL on 2nd April,
but I still haven't heard of him...
Should start to expect the worst,
at least no disappointment.)

Start with T, end with O

Definitely not TO. =.=
Another clue: six letters.

Guess what guess what??
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Ceh. Easy game. Got the answer yea?
More soon. Sleepy now.
Ciaoz.

Food Therapy

Apparently Chung Shang Hui had been in a terrible mood for 2 consecutive days because she got to know that her ex is currently in a relationship (and had moved in and meet the parents somemore - she and her ex hadn't even reach that stage in that 3-year-relationship leh.. blah) and yet she is still single padahal she was the one who asked for the breakup (and she rationally know that this thought is super selfish and childish but she just can't help it - yes that's jealousy) ,

and had subsequently lose her appetite, which is a really rare case for her.

Then, after being fed by her friends' supports,
she had almost recovered from the psychoness and fortunately, or unfortunately,
she started to feel hungry again.
Plus, this thing starts with f and ends with d could bring her up in most of the cases.

Hence, she made some of these.
which really made her feel much better,
especially when she shared them with her friends.
(actually she was just being selfish because she didn't want to finsih up all of them because she knows that mayonaise is fattening,
sorry friends)
And now she wishes to eat something else again when she is writing this post but she knows that she can't because she will be sleeping in an hour time.
Poor girl. Tsk tsk tsk.

Just living my life (ay~~~)

Yes.

It makes me feel better.

Shang you really have no time for that.
(Psst. Law of Tort. Law of Trust. Land Law. Commercial Law.
Your student. Your family. Your friends.)

Shoo. Let it stay away from you.
When you can't do anything about it,
just leave it alone.
It's destined anyway.
What goes around comes around;
What goes up must comes down.

Live your own life.
Don't bother too much.
Being upset doesn't help.
You are mature enough to handle that.

=)

Cleared

refer to the previous posts to get an idea of what is going on. Start from the post 'bad.mad.sad.'

*meditating*
Trying to think what others would have done if they were me.
And trying to think from other perspectives.

Him
There are two kinds of him I could think of.
1. Bad
Supid. She really thought that I will return the money?
What can she do if I don't?
Find someone to beat me up??? That nerd... Wakaka. She doesn't even know the source!!
*turns to his current girlfriend* come baybee, we don't really need to bother much about that psycho.
Just let her call la. She can't really do anything.
Luckily I'm not with her anymore. Such a childish psycho.
Baybee you are so different with her. I'm glad that you don't control me as how she did.

2. Good
I really want to return the money la.
It's really not nice to bear the debt but then.. I really can't.
It's useless even if she forces me because I really DON'T HAVE IT.
*Sigh* what can I do?
*sigh sigh sigh*

His girlfriend
(I don't know what kind of girl she is. So just think it from a reasonable girl's standard la)
*to my ex when I kept on calling*
how come your ex so psycho one?
You already said that you are not convenient to talk to her lork, how come she still keep on calling one?
If I were her, knowing that my ex is with his current girlfriend, I wouldn't call like that lor.
Luckily I'm mature enough to understand.
Tsk tsk tsk even when I was 22 I wouldn't have done something she is doing now.
Can't imagine how you dealt with such a psycho for 3 years?
Nevermind baybee, you are with me now. ^^

=.= okay. That wasn't what a reasonable girl would think. That was a thought of another psycho. Since my psycho mode is switched on, I couldn't really think from a reasonable girl's perspective leh. I think that she is probably a very cool girl who didn't really bother much when I called because according to him, he is allowed to do anything with someone else as long as not having sex.

Third party
(1)
I'm sure that she still have feeling for him. I'm sure that it's not just about money matter. She wouldn't have come up with so many things if she didn't. She is just feeling jealous for his own relationship. The idea that he has a girlfriend before she has a boyfriend is driving her insane because she dumped her!!! Tsk tsk tsk this kind of girl really... I don't know how to describe la.

(2)
Awww... Pity girl. How can a guy treat a girl like that? Eh bastard faster clear her debt la. It's quite impossible that you can have a relationship on without spending money lor. Further you guys are going to the clubs leh. Clubs. Admission fees. Drinks. Everything also cost you a fortune. If you have the money pay her first la....

(3)
Tsk tsk tsk just another who is full of rants. It's only 1.2k anyway. Why bother so much?

All of those thoughts are very psychotic. Haiyah it's not reasonable at all. I'm getting crazy now lalalalalalala.

Psychotic bitch

This is a post which does not really worth reading. Just another post to voice out my behsongness. Yea dearest ex you are so right I am so gonna blog about it.

Psychotic bitch. I am referring to myself. I am a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister, a good granddaughter, a good girlfriend, a good girl as a whole, but I clearly know that I'm not a good ex-girlfriend.

You know what? I've gone all psychotic when I got to know that he is now in a relationship. Okay la no, he didn't really tell that he's in a relationship. But being a smart and suspicious girl I am, I could guess it from his tone. The way he tried to hide something, the way he tried to avoid something and the way he ignored my calls (plural plural). Keep on saying not convenient bla bla bla. Afterall I had been in a relationship with him for 3 freaking years, so I kinda like understand him you see.

He admitted it (vaguely) after bugged by me. (*shake head* psychotic bitch) Yerrr damn zun la my intuition. Then I kept on bugging him (*shake head* childish psychotic bitch) and got to know a fact or 2 about that girl. He even said that 'that girl very good de lor. She never forced me' =.= yeayeayea. Because she is so good that she accepts the original him. She never forced him to quit smoking (hello neither did I. You stopped it for me. I just said something like I don' t want a smoker bf. You went on and quit it and I didn't force you) and never forced him to go back home early. Hello again. You bastard said that you have no money to go out with me (we were going dutch all along) but then you have money to fulfill your very happening nightlife? You go, guy. Found someone who super matches you, someone who comes from your world. If that's the case why did you come after me last time? Duh.

Frankly speaking, I feel sour. Alright I have to stress that NO I don't have any feeling for him anymore (yes yes dear readers I know that you are guessing so but seriously NO. But still even if I said no you will say something like ceh you don't wanna admit only ma but seriously, no. don't have) I'm feeling sour because he has the money to court a girl, to paktoh, but has no money to clear the debt???!!! WTF WTF WTF

I was in the gym room when I confirmed that he has a new girl and spent donno how long on the steppers but I didn't feel tired at all. Was trying to convert madness into energy and yes, it worked superbly well. I so feel like spending 35 bucks (yes AirAsia is that cheap) and fly to KK just to get that 1.2k from him face by face. Urrrrgghh.

Haiyah seriously donno what to do now. I read what I've typed minutes. Realised that I'm a super childish psychotic bitch. Shang shang shang. Cool cool cool. It's just 1.2k (T.T noooooo. Don't use the word just. 1.2k is a lot for me!) Chillax la girl!! Shit la I'm talking to myself now. I'm splitting myself now. I guess I'm in a serious need of a psychologist.

p/s: btw I made it 1.3k. For interest incurred thereof. It's been more than a year okay. And for.. psychiatric harm he caused to me because he has a girlfriend before I have a boyfriend. Afterall he said he wouldn't go for another girl ma and he broke his promise. (okay seriously this excuse is super lame. I'm not that selfish la afterall I asked for the breakup. It's just an excuse to make him pay the additional 100 bucks. - if he ever pays)

End of a post by a chilidsh psychotic bitch. Shall transform back to the mature angelic girl now. (=.=) Live my own life la. Shouldn't bother so much about an ex's relationship status now.

Well..

Phone ran out of battery after few times of ringing.

That was what he said.

Should I still believe in him?

bad.mad.sad.

It was 3.44a.m. when I woke up. There was no indication of which I have missed any call. Apparently, he has failed to make his promise. After minutes rolling on the bed, realising that I couldn't get back to sleep, I sent him the first message. Are you home yet? Expected, no reply. Minutes later, I sent him the second one, Eh. Please reply la. So that I know if I should continue waiting. Again. No reply. The next thing I did was to type in his number, and pressed the dial button. After few times of ringing, what I could hear was a voice of a female's, saying the number you have called cannot be reached at the moment. Apparently, he did not cut off the line. He just turned off his phone. Yes I wouldn't have had waited for him had he not promise to call me. Last night I called him he said he would call me tonight because he was not in convenience to talk and tonight when I called him he said he would call me when he's home. He did not. Turned off the phone to avoid my calls instead.

I am so mad and sad right now. I thought it would be better to share this off with someone else but who the heck would layan me at 4 in the morning? Sigh. Writing it in the blog is the only thing which could make me feel better I guess - at least there is somewhere which I could blurt it out.

What have I done in the last circle until I have someone like him in my life? It has been few months since we broke up and yet I couldn't withdraw from it. Well not that I still have feeling for him - materially speaking, the damages is in pecuniary form. Why on earth would I be so stupid to lend him that hard-earned money to buy his laptop? Well for those who know about the incident, I have not disclosed the identity of that debtor but now I can frankly tell you, it's him. You guys must have guessed so yea? It does no harm to him anyway - none of his friend is reading my blog and his perfect reputation won't be spoiled by me writing in this way.

So it was not that he didn't have that money to repay the debt. He had got his PTPTN loan, which he had spent 4k out of it, and used up 10k to invest over an AhLong business. He has been spending every night in the club - mind you, his clubbing style is totally different with mine - I would have just ordered a glass of 20-buck-cocktail for the whole night. But for him, club is a place to drink. He could spend 200 bucks a night in a club - even if going on dutch with his friends. I have no idea how the hell he could make it. His friends have cumulatively owed him over 800 bucks just for drinking. Should I be mad or not? He is merely owing me RM1.2k.

Why on earth is it so difficult for him to return the money? He has the duty to do so! Does it mean that the responsibility flow away with the feeling? That shouldn't be the case. I have been bugging him, which, I really don't want to, just to make him repay the debt. 1.2k is not a big amount - I just don't feel good knowing that he has the money to spend off instead of paying me in the very first place.

I really don't know what should I do now. Perhaps to forget about it could make me feel better? But at the moment, I know that I can't.

Since the topic is on him already, and since I cannot get back to sleep I shall tell you guys a story buried deep down there which I still vividly remember until today. It happened on the 2008 Valentine's day. I hope that it is the saddest Vday I would have had in my life. The night before, I contacted his housemate, whose number I had secretly got from his phonelist, and attempted to get the keys from him because I wanted to sneak into his house to make him the surprise breakfast. His housemate then promised to leave the keys at the mailbox so that I could get it. Everything turn out to be so successful until the moment I knocked his bedroom door and he opened it, and... No la, I know what you guys are thinking, there was another girl on the bed ma. But thank God that was not the case. So he opened the door, shocked and puzzled rather than surprised, and gone back to sleep again. =.= I was expecting some hugs or so but no. Okay this wasn't the worse case. So I woke him up, and we happily had our breakfast.

Fast forward. The nightmare began during the lunch hour. We were having lunch at a restaurant nearby his house when we bumped into his friend. We chattered abit until I asked that question in a joking manner, so... does he smoke or not? So you have to know to be my boyfriend the very first criteria is that he must not be a smoker. I thought he quitted for me. But his friend's reply was quite shocking - 'He is trying not to...'

Trying not to? Apparently, there is some hidden meaning. That obviously mean something else rather than no. When his friend sensed that something is wrong, he gone and left us there. I still have my smile hanging on the face, taking into consideration that his friend was there. He knew that obviously, I got to know something which he thought that I was not suppose to know. But he didn't admit. He tried to cover up. I had no time to ask more questions because I had to go to work.

So fast forward again. Happily working yadda yadda finished working. He was with his friends, playing dota when I called him. Apparently he had no intention to make it up. He went out after finishing the game (yea, I waited. Damn stupid right?) We talked for a lil while, until finally he admitted. He did smoke while I was not around. I couldn't describe how mad was I by then. But no, he didn't feel that he was wrong - he didn't apologise or whatsoever. He was in a yes I smoked, so what you want me to do? manner. The next thing he did was to go back to his friends, continue with the game, leaving the puzzled me.

Made an undesired discovery and being left for games on a Valentine's night. What else could be worse? Thank God again I have left him. Please please please, please make this the worst Valentine's day in my life. Well I have been writing for one hour and maybe I should go back and try to get some sleep now. Really, I feel much better after letting it out.

Perhaps I should do this more often. It's not so good to write bad stuff about someone thought. Again, not that his friends are reading anyway. Couldn't really defame him in anyway yea.

Anyway, shall go back and catch some sleep now. I hope I won't bring a pair of swollen eyes to college and workplace tomorrow.

Post menstrual syndrome

Emo-ing for no reason.
Don't feel like doing anything.
Wanted to write about Paya dive trip but I can't.
Wanted to study.. but.. can't.
Wanted to eat.. can.. no.. can't.. it's 10pm now, 2 hours before I sleep.

Perhaps it is a must for me to be emo at least once a month and since I hadn't got the time to be emo during my pre-menstrual period because I was enjoying myself in the Tioman trip (or rather too tired to be emo), the emoness hence delayed and yea, that scientifically explained why I am getting emo for no specific reason.

Perhaps watching tv would make me feel better.
Ciaoz.

Happy birthday, wherever you are

12.3.2009

I received a message from my lil' bro:

'You know whose birthday izzit today? Reply me when you are free.'

Such a weird question...
I was thinking perhaps he knew that it was someone's birthday, but he couldn't recall whose.
Or... he was just being very kind, trying to remind me of an important someone's birthday.

Not dad, not mom, not sis, not bro, not grandma, not grandpa, not me, not you, not ex, not crush... whose la....

Thus I replied:
'I'm very free now. But I donno whose birthday is that. I know today spm release la. Go check on the internet la if you wanna know whose birthday is that.'
[bear with that pathetically terrible command of language. Yea that's how we communicate]

Then he replied:
'Today is hamsters' birthday. But I donno which hamsters la...'

...

Since when I have become so careless?
I witnessed the delivery, for the very first time, and yet, I totally forgotten about it.
And my brother, who was 300kms away when the hammie mommie gave birth, taken the birthdate down when I told him about it...

Sigh.. anyway, most of the hammies had been given away...

Wherever you are... happy birthday... T.T

Crying baby

So my tears couldn't stop dropping now.... It's just totally out of my control... Yea, now I could cry puas-puas.
Nola, I'm just contracted with red eye disease. But I look exactly like this when I cry.

I had these bloodshot swollen eyes last night but I thought it was because I napped with my contact lens on. Or because my eyes had frequent contact with the salt water in the last few days.

I could only sense that there is something wrong with my eyes when the redness remains after a long tigh tsleep.

Just now bersusah-payah walked to the clinic but damn it, it hasn't opened yet. Sigh you have to know this - I seldom see doctor because I'm too stingy to do so - I always let them heal naturally. So you can imagine how serious it is now. But sheeeee... it's not opened yet!!!!
Eh doctor, do you know it's very difficult to walk under the sun when you have this disease??
Th usual soft warm morning sunlight has gone way too glaring it painfully punctures the eyes. I could hardly open my eyelids just now - it hurts, excruciatingly.

But still, I feel pleased. I realise that I have a neighbour who really cares for me, who came over to ask if I'm okay (she met me while I was on the way to the clinic, with my eyes half covered with tissue paper), who sent me to the clinic (thank you, really. I really don't feel like walking under the sun already), who prayed for me (touched....). I'm really glad that I have such a neighbour. Well she doesn't have this duty of care, but still she voluntarily took up this responsibility (law students sekalian, please don't interpret it in law context)

Now I'm quarantining myself in the basement, because this damn disease is infectious. Plus the basement is dark enough for me to survive in. I'm even wearing shades all day long because really, the sunlight is killing me...

This sounds like those scenes from the movie in which this is just the early symptom of some really serious disease and which I wouljd eventually become a zombie who lost my mind and started to bite people around me and those who get bitten would get infected and started to bite people around them and it went on and on. Duh. Oh yea, I know what movie I was referring to. 28 weeks, if I'm not mistaken.

Or or, this might be the early symptom of me getting blind and this will be the last entry that I could post and you would never had the chance to see that entry I have promised to post anymore. (touch wood touch wood. Can you stop cursing yourselves already?)

Doc asked me not to face the monitor screen too much. So yea.. ciaoz.

Next post....

Now...

BRB...

Muak test 123

So I have gone hopelessly addicted to photoshopping since the day before yesterday - the first time I tried out the LOMO effect. Haiyah what to do I have to take up some other interest so that I won't bake - at least photoshopping is not fattening. Well strictly speaking baking is not fattening to but that's the end product which put few extra inches on my waistline. On a side note, my students are very happy to be my cake-and-cookie tester! Which means I don't have to eat it all by myself and I can take up baking again. Yay.

Oh shit where was I. How could photoshopping link to baking. Only me. Tsk Tsk Tsk.

Come back lor. Photoshopping. Yea.

So I accidentally stumbled upon this website and found out that holy baby!! How come I never realised that I could do so much with Photoshop? (albeit I'm still using version 7.0)

Thus, I started off with the emo lomo, and found out that hmm... quite satisfying, despite that I'm a newbie slash noobie in photoshopping - what I knew was just downloading brushes and making collages. See this, this, this, this, this and this. Yea I thought that's the only thing I could do with photoshop and also wondered how could someone come with those very artistic effect - particularly those on blogskins.com.

Then despite that I would be having exam on the next day, I added few effects on this lesbo kissie pic. Don't get me wrong. Only comedians would pout while kissing. If it's a kiss out of real passion and affection, the lips would relax - instead of pouting in that way. Hey it doesn't require a genius to figure this out right. Anyway if you don't get what I was talking about in the last 3 sentences, in short, we were merely posing as opposed to real kissing.
(chiu why do I bother explaining? well since I have explained so just let it be man.)

So let's the photoshopping begin.
Some sketches.

Actually the below picture on the left is done by the preset filter in Photoshop.
Since the effect is so presentable, why should I bother taking 123890 steps just to edit a picture which have the similar effect with something which could be done by one click, one drag, another drag, another click?
Donno leh. Satisf

And some watercolors.

Ok. The two pictures below were done by preset filter with one click, one drag, another drag, another click again. Come la. Tell me it's not as nice as those which were done with 4398 clicks and 3189 drags la. Haih doesn't matter. As long as I think that it's not as nice~~ Wakaka.

End of the story.

=.=
Huh that's all?

Aduiz for sure you have the idea that I'm not a pro and it took me almost 2 hours to get these 6 pictures done.

Oh and. Just did blog header today. After long time of 'under construction'. Picked this picture because I look best when placed upside down. Okay basically I look best when you people can't see me clearly. Plus, my mei mei is there~~~

Did this and put up this as the header,Tutorial here. [cut out the vignette (the dark soft edges) hence look no more like a lomo]

Ori here.The dark edges not strong enough though.

Another one - the vintage lookDidn't adjust the sharpness this time. That was really blur.

but then found that it's too striking and would want something which is softer.
Hence, this, the current one.Tutorial here. [lazy to continue towards the end so the effect isn't exactly the same.]
Anyway, more to come.

Lomo @ tuk tuk chiang

So I went for this charity dinner.

Spending the whole night eating and eating and eating. Oh and, I brought along my land law short notes - but didn't really get to read cause those tuk tuk chiang are too interesting.
No la. They were pretty noisy - live, you know? Have you seen live tuk tuk chiang?
I often watch it on the tv but live...
Okayla quite interesting la. Quite cute la.
I would somehow prefer some western plays.

So the story goes like this -
My dad and me didn't get to go together because he still had to work before the dinner,
and hence the company driver would send him there.
Ironically, being a very smart driver who is not a local, he got lost in the Petaling Street area - somewhere which me, the direction blind is most familiar with in KL- for freaking 20 minutes.
So I waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and decided not to waste time is waiting.
Hence. Spotted this unnatural thing and taken the picture.

If you can spot the same thing, I promise I will treat you dinner wakaka. Not very easy to find you know.
Clue: Somewhere in the heart of the ci
And... my legs.

And... here.. the wonder of self-timer.
Walao eh I was so afraid that the camera would be grabbed by those who sit at the mamak around. But... I HAVE TO take some pictures of mine in cheongsam. Not that because I am vain. It's just simply... I afraid that I will gain weight again and can't fit into the cheongsam anymore so yea.. just take some pictures while I wasbe able to squeeze myself into it.

Plus plus plus, a camera is meant to be used.
Last but not least, I know you guys miss me.
Hence here you go, my very elegant Cheongsam look(ahem ahem ahem ahem ahem ahem) =.= stupidnye. I guess I have lose the ability to pose properly. Or express properly to be exact.

Actually they weren't taken by lomo camera. I'm too stingy to buy one. It's just some heavily photoshopped lomofied digital pictures. Come la let's try it together. Tutorial here.

And actually the effect of lomography somehow makes me feel very uneasy. I don't know why. It's hard to be explained. Just not comfortable looking at those very unnatural effect by this C41 chemicals. Yeerrr.